I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
