She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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