If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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