he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
