If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
