how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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