drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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