he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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