Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
