walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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