its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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