Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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