Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
