we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
