forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
