Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
