i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
