so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
