Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
