first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
