I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
