Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
