My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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