What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
