also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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