So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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