I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
