So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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