I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
