On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
