when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
