Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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