I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
