some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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