I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
