is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
