Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
