I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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