woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
