Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
