In the future we'll all be gay
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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