U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize