just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
