Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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