at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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