Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
