I wanna passion pit in your ass
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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