I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
