I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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