if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
