i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
