my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
