No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He? As in you personified your dick?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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