FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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