just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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