I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
