So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
