So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
