Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize