Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize