all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
