Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
