At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
