A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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