is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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