Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
