Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She needs sedatives and a leash
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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